Black Meringue

What's in a name?

It's a touchy subject for some, but one that should be addressed: do you take your partner's name, keep your own or create a whole new one for the two of you to share? Dr Pridmore weighs up the options

Bard of tradition?

“What’s in a name?” is a line from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, and I should know because I’m a scholar of English literature, me. (I just thought I’d clear that up in case any of you are wondering what I’m actually a doctor of, as Black Meringue has roped me into articles on sushi, pet weddings and aphrodisiacs before now.)

In this speech Juliet is reflecting on how she and the man she’s just fallen for are from families in the middle of a long-standing feud, and how it’s therefore rather a pity that she and Romeo have these different surnames. As a sweeping romantic gesture Romeo offers to give up his title of Montague, but this isn't as New Age as it sounds: the little blighter’s making nice with the lady because he’s only after one thing.

In reality, Juliet doesn’t have any choice at all in the name department. If she wants to marry Romeo (as she does the very next day), then she’ll be Juliet Montague or nothing, because the religious and social dictates of her time demanded that a bride took up her husband’s name when married.

However, that was then. These days we’re not so stern about name-changing because we’re more aware of the custom’s origins. The tradition of wives taking on their husband’s surnames has its beginnings in the outdated, sexist notions of a wife becoming part of her spouse's estate and his property as soon as she marries him. After that point, all material possessions or wealth she might have previously owned became her husband’s, and so did everything she came by after then, including any children she and hubby produced.

Biblical biology

The idea of possesion goes back to the book of Genesis when Eve, the first woman, was spawned from a rib that God removed from Adam's body. (I actually went to school with children who would assert, in biology lessons, that you could tell a man’s skeleton apart from a woman’s because the male has one less rib. I've said it once and I’ll say it again: I'm surrounded by idiots.) The anonymous writer of Genesis explains that as woman came from man she returns to him when the time comes for them to 'become one flesh.' It’s not too much of a leap, then, to understand why marriage, the legitimating institution for sex and childbearing, incorporates an element of ownership.

None of this, though, is to dissuade any of you from changing your name as and when you tie the knot with that special someone. If there’s one thing Black Meringue stands for, it’s doing your wedding your way and going about it however you want to...

1) Be a Gwyneth

Keeping your maiden name after marriage is an option that's popular among actresses, writers and other famous women who are already known by their original moniker and don’t want confusion about their identity to get in the way of their acclaim. When Gwyneth Paltrow married Coldplay's Chris Martin in 2003, she not only did it in secret but wisely chose not to become Gwyneth Martin – after all, it doesn't quite have the same ring, does it? Other Hollywood celebs like Catherine Zeta-Jones have also gone this route, but you don’t have to be some kind of superstar. Just ask yourself: do you want to be part of a custom that states you and everything that’s yours become your husband’s when you tie the knot? In the olden days of Japan, it used to be the custom that when a husband died before his wife, her name would be written in red ink under his on the tombstone to show she still belonged to him, even in death, and what remained of her life was just a matter of waiting until she rejoined him. This is no longer done and is now thought archaic by the Japanese.

2) Be a Marge

There are also good arguments for changing your surname to your husband’s when you marry. It's the start of your lives together and a way to tell the world that you and your other half are now officially a whole. Taking on your husband’s name also allows you to establish yourself as part of the family you and he go on to create. Let’s face it, every solid and (dis)functional family, from the Waltons to the Corleones, have been marked out by a shared surname. Marge didn’t stay Marge Bouvier or opt for Marge Bouvier-Simpson, did she? No, she became a Simpson and she’s proud of it!

3) Be a Sophie

There are two things about double-barrelled surnames that we must make clear from the outset: firstly, they’re not just for posh people, and secondly, there can be no doubt that they’re pretty cool. Names like Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Julian Rhind-Tutt, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Sacha Baron-Cohen are destined for fame and glory. One word of warning, though: there are times when double-barrelling is not the wisest move (see p45). A good sounding board is essential when negotiating tricky combos, unless you're going for comedy value, of course. But please, think of the children if not of yourselves.

Say what?

Let’s have no illusions about this – there may be times when the question of whether to change or not to change will be influenced by what your partner is called, because there are some pretty unfortunate surnames out there. For example, would you want to change your surname to Crapper? Because that’s a proper name. He was the guy who invented the lavatory. Funnily enough, though, the surname Crapper is virtually extinct, having been abandoned or discreetly changed throughout the generations.

Damage limitation

Although the chances are slim these days that you’ll end up marrying a Crapper, there are still plenty of surnames that you might want to avoid adopting should you happen to fall for a man who has one. A recent survey by The Daily Mail tracked down the nation’s most embarrassing family names and identified the regions where they are most commonly found, proudly concluding that “Cocks come from Truro, Willies hail from Taunton and Bottoms call Huddersfield home.” The largest population of Dafts is to be found in Nottingham, and surnames along similar lines that are still in common use today include Handcock, Smellie, Shufflebottom, Onion, Nutter, Gas, Pratt, Balls, Cardigan and Wardrobe. If you’re marrying a chap who goes by any of these, no-one would blame you for clinging to your maiden name. On the other hand, if you already have a surname on this list getting married would be a convenient means of getting shot of it at last, and putting the years of schoolyard taunts behind you.

Good deed-poll

It’s not just surnames that people are ready, willing and able to chop and change at a moment’s notice. The changing of forenames by deed-poll is also becoming common practice. “The Proud 2b Pat Campaign” was held this year in support of Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital, and successfully broke the world record for the largest number of people with the same first name in the same place at the same time. The previous record (1,096 Mohammeds in Dubai in 2005) was bested by the 1,100-plus Patricks and Patricias who flocked to Trafalgar Square on 16 March 2008. What’s significant is that many of them weren’t named after the patron saint of Ireland from the get-go: the UK Deed Poll Service actually ran a special concession designed exclusively for this fund-raiser, through which people not called Patrick or Patricia could pay a £4 fee and temporarily change their names to register for the event. Among these 'Plastic Paddies,' as they became known, were a number of celebrities including snooker ace Dennis Taylor (or Patrick Taylor as I suppose we should now properly call him). And the deed-poll malarkey doesn’t end there. In 2001 comedian Dave Gorman published his book Are You Dave Gorman?, which follows the real-life adventures of Dave and his mate Danny as they scour the world in search of 54 other people also called Dave Gorman. The book and susequent stand-up show became such a runaway cult success that many fans, both male and female, went out and changed their names to Dave Gorman in tribute.

With this in mind, why not invent a whole new surname that's neither yours nor your partner's but a bit of both? You could even name your new family after something you share, a favourite place or a common interest. I reckon Dr Joseph Sushi Sherwood-Forest has a certain ring to it, don't you? BM

What to do

If you do decide on a name-change, perhaps because your decision has been swayed after reading my informative and well-written article, here are a few general details about the legal and administrative side of things.

For changes of first name, the UK Deed Poll Service can be contacted as below. The website takes you through the details of applying for a Deed of Change of Name, and shows you how to apply online, by post or in person. It also contains a useful FAQ list that should cover any queries you may have about what’s required for this procedure.

T: 0800 448 8484 if calling from a landline; 0800 444 8484 if calling from a mobile

W: www.ukdps.co.uk

Changing your name to your husband’s on marriage is still the default setting, as it were, and registrars in this country assume you’ll be doing it this way unless you tell them otherwise. However, although all marriages are officially registered and recorded, there is no national database or similar documenting surname changes. A bride who changes her name or goes double-barrelled needs to obtain her official wedding certificate, for which there may sometimes be small charge, and show it to the relevant bodies (bank, employers, credit card company etc) who’ll need to know about changes to her contact name and signature. Your local register office will be happy to answer any questions.

To double-barrel or not to double-barrel?

For the examples below, all of which I have on good authority are genuine cases, the bride really should go for 'not'… Miss Gowen, who married Mr Geter Miss Drinkwine, who married Mr Layer Miss Filler, who married Mr Quick Miss Busch, who married Mr Rash Miss Wang, who married Mr Holder Miss Beaver, who married Mr Wetter Miss Butts, who married Mr McCracken And my personal favourite, Miss MacDonald who married Mr Berger

BM